The Ten C’s of Internet Using
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Loading ...1. Connection - Heh… what connection?
2. Complicated - Once you finally connect to the Internet (see #1), the thing that they don’t tell you when you get the Internet is how impossible it is to use if you have never used it before. They all think it is sooo easy, and I probably would think it was easy too if I programmed it. If you are dedicated enough to actually try to figure it out, that is close to impossible too. The only way to learn how to use the net is from places on the net. If the people could find the help sites…they wouldn’t need the help. The only other thing to do is buy one of those embarrassing books with the word ‘Dummies’ in the title.
3. Confusing - If you manage to FINALLY figure out how the thing works, you are faced with the problem of a brain overload. Now, they expect us to remember twice the information that we already knew. That is twice the information to forget, then you have to dig out the ‘Internet for Dummies’ book. Instead of remembering your friends name, bob…you now have to remember the FIVE letters after the name. It is impossible to go by your name on the net. People will get so pissed off trying to remember bob16493 that they will end up using the phone anyway.
4. Complex - In the unlikely event that you understand and can remember what you need to know about the net, you can move on to your Internet options. Everybody is always talking about cool things to do on the net. I am sure if you could FIND any of these things, you would think they are cool too. In the ‘advanced’ section of the ‘dummies’ book, you get to the part of actually USING the net for stuff you need to do. It takes you three times as long to find the damn book, look up the right section, try to tell your computer what to do, and finally get the info that you need, than it takes to ask somebody else who knows.
5. Computer Comedy - For some odd reason, computers think they are smarter than we are. In many cases that is true, but that is because we speak different languages. The computer thinks it is funny as hell to NOT get our information, but give us an error message instead. If it just trying a little harder, I am sure it could find what we want. But when it does give us that ‘fatal error’ we are relieved because we think we just got rid of our computer. Well…apparently ‘fatal’ does not mean our computer died. It comes back just to laugh at us and mess with our heads.
6. Confidential…NOT - You think your stuff is safe on the net? Think again (I know you have had to think enough today). Anything that you type in and put on the net, your computer tells to all of its other computer friends. We call it gossip, they call it funny.
7. Consumers - Why would you want to buy something on the net anyway? Are you that lazy that you can’t get off your chair and go to the store? Instead, we think it is really cool to buy something and have to wait a week to get it. The store is five minutes up the road, but we have to use the cool new feature we found on the net.
8. Chatting - Chat rooms where meant for two types of people: the ones with no life and no friends, and for the people who enjoy telling complete strangers everything about yourself. It is just another place to bring together people that have absolutely nothing in common.
9. Complaints - This goes along with chat rooms. Did you know that this is the ONLY other way to get many people to hate you for the same reason at the same time? That is, unless you are the President. You say one bad thing, and the people who know what they are doing on their computer will come and completely screw up yours.
10. Canceled - The final stage in using the net. This is when you just get so pissed off (probably because you are still stuck at number 3) that you just cancel the Internet. This is usually followed by throwing your computer out the window and spending the rest of you life in a little room eating those white pills.
