Tips on Becoming a Serious Computer Gamer
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Loading ...Tips on becoming a serious Computer Gamer.
-Written by residents of the Arizona mental health facility.
1. Ignore all family and friends:
They will only get in the way. The computer is your friend, your mentor, and your leader. Try giving it a name, and draw a face on it for personality.
2. Become totally immersed in the world of games:
When you can’t remember if your algebra homework was to finish page 30 in the book, or rescue the holy book from the evil wizard of dragon hill, you’re on the right track.
3. Maintain the appearance of someone who has no future:
Avoid all natural light, and spend hours staring at only the computer. A thin crack of drool down the side of your mouth can be a nice touch.
4. Create your own ritual for buying new hardware:
I wear printer ink as warpaint, and a necklace made from the innards of computers who’ve crossed me. Doing these bizarre activities can get you great discounts on mail-order products (mainly because delivery men scream, soil themselves, and run away before they can give you a bill).
5. Ignore personal hygiene:
Showering and shaving take away precious gaming minutes, so only wash when the smell is strong enough to melt the plastic on the keyboard.
Ultimate Proof you are a True Gamer:
By following these tips, you should become the most feared person on your street. When the neighbor’s kids prefer taking the long way home rather than go past “Crazy Pale Guy’s” house, you are a true master of the gaming world.
