Top 10 Signs you are being stalked by Martha Stewart
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Loading ...10..You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they’re all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in a razor-sharp rows.
9..That telltale lemon slice in the dog’s water bowl.
8..On her TV show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.
7..You find your pet bunny on the stove in a exquisite tarragon, rose pedal and saffron demi-glace’, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and delicate mint-fennel sauce.
6..The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.
5..You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.
4..No matter where you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.
3..Twice this week you’ve been a victim of a drive by doilying.
2..You wake up in the hospital with a concussion… and endive stuffing in every orifice.
..and the NUMBER 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by Martha Stewart…..
1..You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple…
