Top 10 things I resolve to avoid this year

10. Playing Santa at the Center for Bladder Control.
9. Operating a band saw after drinking a 12-pack of beer.
8. Attending All-you-can-eat buffet at Taco Bell the night before that big job interview.
7. Licking red-hot projector bulbs.
6. Midnight ocean swims after attending a crack party.
5. Clicking web links labeled “Your Internet Portal To Hell!”
4. Downloading Fran Drescher MP3 files.
3. Slicing tough, frozen bagels with razor-sharp steak knife, not an FDA-approved bagel slicing device with safety guard.
2. Even though they were unrelated, using the words “bomb” and “president” during and International telephone call.
1. Purchasing Linda Tripp’s “Wet and Wild” video.

This joke is filed under Religious.