Useful Expressions for High-Stress Days

1. Well, aren’t we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
4. Do I look like a fucking people person?
5. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
6. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat. (Wait a minute, I hate cats. Change that to my dog.)
7. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
8. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
9. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be …?
10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
12. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
13. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
14. I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.
15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
16. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
17. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
19. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
20. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
21. It must be awful hard to hear with your head up your ass.
22. I’d agree with you if you were right …but you’re not.

And my #1 response:

I never get into an argument with an idiot… they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

This joke is filed under Religious.