Useful Work Phrases

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Ahhh…I see the “Fuck-up Fairy” has visited us again…

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication.

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…

I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!

It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

If you hire me, I’ll tell you.

This joke is filed under Office.