What Women want from Men 1 - 10

ONE- Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.

TWO- If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don’t try to subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.

THREE- Quit blowing smoke up women’s asses about the sanctity and power they possess as life-givers and come up with some decent affordable child care. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and get off welfare, and we won’t have to listen to any more assholes in Congress blathering about orphanages.

FOUR- Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys. Look at say, Carl, the brain-dead jagoff in the cubicle next to you. You could kill Carl, couldn’t you, because he’s a slacking, worthless, toady idiot.

Now, imagine making 30 percent less than Carl.

FIVE- This is very important: During lovemaking, don’t ask, “Who’s your Daddy?” even as a joke, all right? It’s not funny.

SIX- When her mouth moves, pay attention; words could be coming out. Words are kind of important.

SEVEN- Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill rockstars to have women their own age in their videos.

EIGHT- Don’t ask her if she came. You’re a big boy now, Clouseau, you should know if she came.

NINE- Don’t tell her how to merge and she won’t tell you to ask for directions.

TEN- When she catches you cheating on her and cuts off your dick in your sleep, take it like a man.

So guys, at the end of the day, what women want is this: Equal pay, fair treatment, respect, patience, sensitivity, passion and a genuine effort at understanding who they really are.

Or if that’s too much to ask, how about a big fucking diamond the size of your head?

This joke is filed under Man and Woman.