Why Cucumbers are Better than Men
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Loading ...The average cucumber is at least six inches long
Cucumbers stay hard for a week
A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count
Cucumbers don’t get too excited
A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety
Cucumbers are easy to pick up
You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home
Cucumbers can get away any weekend
With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check in as Mrs. Cucumber
A Cucumber will always respect you in the morning
You can go to a movie with a Cucumber and see the movie
At a Drive-In you can stay in the front seat
A Cucumber can always wait until you get home
A Cucumber won’t eat all the Popcorn…or send you out for milk duds
A Cucumber won’t drag you out to a John Wayne film festival
A Cucumber won’t ask “Am I the first”
Cucumbers don’t care if your a virgin
Cucumbers won’t tell anyone your not a virgin anymore
With Cucumbers you don’t have to be a virgin more than once
Cucumbers don’t have sex hang-ups
Cucumbers won’t make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with boots on
Cucumbers aren’t into rope and leather, talking dirty or swinging with fruits and nuts
You can have as many Cucumbers as you can handle
You only eat Cucumber when you feel like it
Cucumbers never need a round of applause
Cucumbers won’t ask: Am I the best? How was it? Did you cum? How many times?
Cucumbers aren’t jealous…of your gynecologist, ski instructor, or hair dresser
A Cucumber won’t want to join your support group
Cucumbers aren’t into meaningful discussions
Cucumbers won’t ask about your last lover..or speculate about the next one
A Cucumber will never make a scene because there are other Cucumbers in the refrigerator
A Cucumber won’t mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh Cucumber
Cucumbers can handle rejection
A Cucumber won’t pout if you have a headache
A Cucumber won’t care what time of the month it is
A Cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet
A Cucumber won’t give it up for lent
With a Cucumber you never have to say your sorry
Cucumbers don’t leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow
Cucumbers can stay up all night…and you don’t have to sleep on a wet spot
Afterwards a Cucumber won’t: want to shake hands and be friends, say “I’ll call you a cab, tell you he’s not the marrying kind, tell you he is the marrying kind call his mother, ex-wife, or therapist, take you to confession
Cucumbers don’t leave you wondering for a month
A Cucumber won’t make you go to the drugstore
Cucumbers won’t tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them
A Cucumber a day keeps the OB-Gyn away
A Cucumber won’t work your crossword puzzle in ink
A Cucumber isn’t allergic to your cat
With a Cucumber, you don’t have to play Florence Nightingale during the flu season
Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car
A Cucumber won’t eat all your food or drink all your liquor
A Cucumber doesn’t turn your bathroom into a library
Cucumbers won’t go through your medicine chest
A Cucumber doesn’t use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray
Cucumbers won’t leave hair in the sink or a ring in the tub
Cucumbers don’t leave dirty shorts on the floor
A Cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet
A Cucumber doesn’t flush the toilet while your taking a shower
With a Cucumber the toilet seat is always the way you left it
Cucumbers don’t compare you to a Centerfold
Cucumbers can’t count to ten
Cucumbers don’t tell you they liked you better with long hair
A Cucumber will never leave for: another woman, another man, another Cucumber
A Cucumber will never call and say “I have to work late, Honey,” and then come home smelling like another woman
A Cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a wedgie
You always know where your Cucumber has been
A Cucumber never has to call “the wife”
Cucumbers don’t have mid-life crisis
A Cucumber won’t leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun
Cucumbers don’t play the guiter and try to find themselves
You won’t find out later that your Cucumber: is married, is on penicillin, likes you, but loves your brother
A Cucumber doesn’t have softball practise on the day you move
Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R and R
A Cucumber won’t ask for a transfer just when you’re up for a promotion
Cucumbers don’t care if you make more money than they do
A Cucumber won’t wear a leisure suit to your office christmas party
You don’t have to wait till half time to talk to your Cucumber
A Cucumber won’t take you to a disco and dump you for a flashy outfit
Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom
A Cucumber doesn’t care if you always spend the holidays with your family
A Cucumber won’t ask to be put through med school
A Cucumber won’t tell you he’s outgrown you intellectually
Cucumbers never expect you to have little Cucumbers
Cucumbers don’t say,”let’s keep trying until we have a little boy.”
A Cucumber won’t insist the little cukes be raised Catholic, Jewish or Orthodox Vegetarian
It’s easy to drop a Cucumber
A Cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything