Wrong Taxiway

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During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale, made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming “US AIR 2771, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I TOLD YOU TO TURN RIGHT ON “CHARLIE” TAXIWAY; YOU TURNED RIGHT ON “DELTA.” STOP RIGHT THERE. I KNOW IT’S DIFFICULT TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Cs AND Ds, BUT GET IT RIGHT!!!”

Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, “GOD, YOU’VE SCREWED EVERYTHING UP; IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO SORT THIS OUT. YOU STAY RIGHT THERE AND DON’T MOVE UNTIL I TELL YOU TO. YOU CAN EXPECT PROGRESSIVE TAXI INSTRUCTIONS IN ABOUT A HALF HOUR, AND I WANT YOU TO GO EXACTLY WHERE I TELL YOU, WHEN I TELL YOU, AND HOW I TELL YOU! YOU GOT THAT, US AIR 2771??!!”

The humbled crew responded, “Yes, Ma’am.”

Naturally, the “Ground Control” frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her heated admonishment of the US Air crew, an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I married to you once???”

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