ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST
YO MAMMA IS SO FAT
�Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!”
�Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
�Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now
�Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
�Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
�Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
�Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her…
�Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the New World
�Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
�Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her, your ears pop!
�Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
�Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”
�Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”
�Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
�Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
�Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
�Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
�Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave., she landed on 12th
�Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
�Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
�Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
�Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it reads “One at a time, please!”
�Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
�Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
�Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
�Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, “Sorry, we don’t do livestock.”
�Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
�Yo momma so fat she’s got her own area code!
�Yo momma so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen!
�Yo momma so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!
�Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
�Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
�Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, LA, Chicago…
�Yo momma so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.
�Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!
�Yo momma so fat her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
�Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to have sex with her
�Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side!
�Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
�Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
�Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington�s nose.
�Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!
�Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
�Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
�Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
�Yo momma so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
�Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be aerial views!
�Yo momma so fat she’s on both sides of the family!
�Yo momma so fat every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
�Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
�Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
�Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
�Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
�Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
�Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
�Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she’s wearing tights!
�Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
�Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
�Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
�Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
�Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
�Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
�Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
�Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
�Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.
�Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
�Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
�Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
�Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
�Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
�Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn’t cover her
�Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
�Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
�Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
�Yo momma so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
�Yo momma so fat that she can’t tie her own shoes.
�Yo momma so fat she sets off car alarms when she runs.
�Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.
�Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!
�Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
�Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
�Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
�Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
�Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
�Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
�Yo momma so fat that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
�Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the Super Bowl.
�Yo momma so fat she was baptized in the ocean.
�Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
�Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”
�Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
�Yo momma so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
�Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!
�Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
�Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship
�Yo momma so fat she accidentally got a 747 caught in her teeth
�Yo momma so fat to her “light food” means under 4 Tons
�Yo momma so fat The Himalayas are practice runs to prepare for her
�Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!
�Yo momma so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to GET OFF!!!
�Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!!!
�Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development
�Yo momma so fat she won “Miss Bessie the Cow 94″
�Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans
�Yo momma so fat she has more rolls than a mary jane truck

YO MOMMA SO STUPID
�Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
�Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
�Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was “illegitimate” because she couldn’t read
�Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
�Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl
�Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
�Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
�Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!
�Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
�Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
�Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
�Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
�Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
�Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
�Yo momma so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911?”
�Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
�Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”
�Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
�Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
�Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
�Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
�Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
�Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
�Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
�Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.”
�Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
�Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
�Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonald�s!
�Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
�Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
�Yo momma so stupid she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
�Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
�Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
�Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
�Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
�Yo momma so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.”
�Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
�Yo momma so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
�Yo momma so stupid she was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.
�Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course
�Yo momma so stupid she couldn’t read an audio book
�Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
�Yo momma so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying “Hi! Hitler”
�Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus
�Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg
�Yo momma so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper
�Yo momma so stupid She went to Disney World and saw a sign that said “Disney World Left” so she went home.
�Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said “guess” so she said Levi’s

YO MOMMA IS SO UGLY
�Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”
�Yo momma so ugly she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
�Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, “What a treasure!” and her father said, “Yeah, let’s go bury it.”
�Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
�Yo momma so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower
�Yo momma so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
�Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
�Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
�Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras
�Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
�Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
�Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Damn, is it Halloween already?”
�Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
�Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
�Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
�Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
�Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours… for a quote!
�Yo momma so ugly when she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
�Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!
�Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!
�Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
�Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
�Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
�Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
�Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
�Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
�Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
�Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
�Yo momma so ugly your dad’s breath smells like crap because he would rather kiss her ass.
�Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow

YO MOMMA SO OLD
�Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
�Yo momma so old she has Jesus’ beeper number!
�Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
�Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch.
�Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
�Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
�Yo momma so old she’s in Jesus� yearbook!
�Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
�Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
�Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
�Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
�Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
�Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
�Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
�Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, “Li’l Mary will never amount to anything”.
�Yo momma so old she was Jesus’ Wet Nurse
�Yo momma so old she�s blind from the big bang
�Yo momma so old even God calls her mother!

YO MOMMA IS SO DIRTY
�Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bath water.

YO MOMMA’S NOSE
�Yo momma nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
�Yo momma nose so big she makes Pinocchio look like a cat!

YO MOMMA IS SO GREASY
�Yo momma so greasy she used bacon as a Band-Aid!
�Yo momma so greasy she sweats Crisco!
�Yo momma so greasy Exxon buys oil from her

YO MOMMA’S TEETH
�Yo momma teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
�Yo momma teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
�Yo momma teeth are so yellow I can’t believe it’s not butter

YO MOMMA IS SO LAZY
�Yo momma so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.

YO MOMMA IS SO SKINNY
�Yo momma so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio
�Yo momma so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.
�Yo momma so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared.

YO MOMMA IS SO BALD
�Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn’t help!
�Yo momma so bald you can see what�s on her mind
�Yo momma so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

YO MOMMA IS SO TALL
�Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
�Yo momma so tall she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth.
�Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

This joke is filed under Yo Mama.