“Something you’ll never hear a woman say: ‘My, what an attractive scrotum!'”
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?'”
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.”
“There are only two reasons to sit on the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea or you’re anxious to meet people who do.”
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