I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be
Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds – I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paper boy – come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man – come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot–
Sniff this and weep
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle
I hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot — no greater bliss — well,
Maybe catching rats
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do
The cat is not all
Bad — she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls
Dig under fence — why?
Because it’s there. Because it’s
There. Because it’s there.
I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
My owners’ mood is
Romantic – I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.
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